Mood: Life in the time of Covid is like staring down a revolting layered dip, the exquisite layers of torment piling sloppily on top of one another, accumulating into one horrifying whole of nauseating glop we are all going to have to eat before we can get down from the table.
- My husband’s very responsible company has asked their employees to work from home to help stop the spread of the virus, and keep each other safe. And so day after day my very extroverted husband makes the arduous trek down into the cold, dark, lonely basement, relying on podcasts and glowing blue screens for companionship and sanity.
- My teenage son’s very responsible school district has sent them to learn from home as the case-count rapidly rose in their respective schools. They each spend the day with headphones and a computer, one in the living room, one in the family room, doing school. The learning is synchronous this time around, and they see their friends and teachers in tiny boxes on their computer screens, and hear the electronic transmissions of their voices. It is better than no interaction, and I am grateful for all those working so hard to make it happen.
- My toddler, bless his blonde little head, still does not love sleep. Or being quiet. Or not getting into everything. Or keeping the chairs at the kitchen table instead of pushing them over to the counter to try and reach the knives that I cannot quite keep far enough out of reach for his inventiveness. On cold days there is nowhere safe for us to be while dad works and brothers school in all of the available spaces in our home.
- I am an introvert in a house full of all of my people all day every day. I love my people with all of my heart and soul. But they NEVER GO AWAY!
- The holidays are upon us, and even for those who plan to ignore all good advice and gather, they cannot escape the heaviness of worry and guilt that will also attend those celebrations. Nothing is carefree and easy this year. Every choice is carefully considered for safety balancing connection and love and hope.
- The news keeps getting worse. The long lasting affects on children who we though were mostly safe grow more worrisome. The hospitals are full, and turning people away to wait. The numbers of sick people continue to grow at an exponential rate. The number of people dying gets bigger.
- People try to pretend it is fake. Maybe because real life is too hard to accept right now. Maybe they just cannot stare down that pile of poop they have been served today. But pretending doesn’t make it go away, and makes all of us less safe. And we feel less safe.
- As we all bear the burden of anxiety and change, mental health suffers.
- Contentious contested elections, natural disasters, civil unrest, growing income inequality, food insecurity, evictions, suffering
Layer after layer it piles higher and higher onto our respective dinner plates. There is no cheating. There is nothing but eating it available.
All that is to say, if you have days where you feel like you just can’t, if you feel short tempered, sad, angry, anxious, hurt… Those feelings all make sense. It really is just a pile of trauma we are all staring down. It is okay not to feel happy about it. Or not to feel happy at all today. You are not doing it wrong, if you do not feel okay.
That’s what I learned today, and it felt like I needed to share. I do not need to feel guilty for being scared or frustrated or sad. Those are all reasonable and healthy feelings given the situation. They are not me failing at this. And if you need to hear it, they are not you failing at this either.
